Top O’ the Briefing
Happy Thursday, dear Kruiser Morning Briefing friends. The Sine Qua Non Sequitur is spending the day teaching full-contact Minecraft to itinerant cheese workers.
I have spent a lot of time since 2020 writing about the flying monkeys in the mainstream media’s exercises in creative fiction when propping up prominent Democrats. While they have been doing that seemingly forever, of course, they really took it to new untethered lows in service of the almost lifelike Joe Biden during the COVID election.
Prior to that, the MSM propagandists would attempt to build a fictionalized biography of a Democrat around at least one kernel of truth, no matter how small. In 2020, they created a kind, thoughtful, and accomplished Joe Biden who had never existed. There was a body of evidence almost half of a century long to blow the “kindly grandfather” narrative out of the water, but the leftist scribes didn’t care. Orange Man Bad had to go, and they were going to write whatever stories they needed to in order to sell Biden to people in flyover country who didn’t spend all day on the internet.
That was obviously good practice for the lying that they would have to do about Biden the entire time he was in office. When it finally became impossible for them to pretend that Sir Sniffsalot was functional, they had to turn their now polished creative writing skills to creating a Kamala Harris who wasn’t there. With Harris, they couldn’t fall back on her age or a mysterious childhood stutter to provide even a little cover for the fact that she was unable to string together three coherent sentences in a row. Not to worry, the intrepid faux journos were master storytellers by then.
Or so they thought. It didn’t really work out well for them.
Part of creating the Kamala Harris fiction out of whole cloth involved turning her running mate Tim Walz into a believable human being. They pitched him as some sort of testosterone-laden man’s man who disenfranchised males would flock to. It was a story so patently absurd that only one person in America bought it — Tim Walz.
Matt wrote yesterday about a speech Walz gave earlier in the week:
Speaking at Harvard Kennedy School on Monday night, Walz claimed his role on the failed Democratic ticket was to make white guys who watch football feel comfortable voting Democrat. Because nothing says “masculine appeal” quite like a guy who prances around at campaign events like an overeager cheerleader and insists that tampons belong in boys’ restrooms.
“Look, I knew I was on the ticket, I would argue, because we did a lot of amazing progressive things in Minnesota to improve people’s lives,” he said. “But I also was on the ticket, quite honestly, because I could code talk to white guys watching football, fixing their truck, doing that, that I could put them at ease. I was the permission structure to say, ‘Look you can do this and vote for this,’ and and you look across those swing states with the exception of Minnesota, we didn’t get enough of those votes.”
There may never have been a more perfect, “Who wants to tell him?” moment in the history of lack of self awareness.
The average participant in a septuagenarian ladies golf foursome at The Villages isn’t as low-T as Tim Walz. He’s an unfortunate cross between Heat Miser in “The Year Without a Santa Claus” and Tom Arnold if he’d ever roomed with his five favorite cocaine dealers. Girls watching football would kick Tim Walz’s butt. Guys watching football would give him a swirly to revive him, then give him back to the girls to beat up some more.
Walz was on the ticket for the same reason Biden ran with His High Holiness the Lightbringer Barack Obama: Democrats love their diversity just as long as it isn’t too diverse. Fortunately for America, but unfortunately for the Dems, Harris is no Obama and Walz is an even bigger idiot than 2008 Joe Biden.
We don’t need to let him on that little secret, though. The man’s got rakes to step on, after all.
(I couldn’t find a video of the SNL ¿Quién es Más Macho? skit from 1979 that I was sure we could legally use. There is a so-so version of it here.)
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