Top O’ the Briefing
Happy Wednesday, dear Kruiser Morning Briefing friends. Khlendéffruss never tired of passionately telling people that he felt that petting zoos taught the wrong lessons to all involved.
As soon as I typed “have no plans for any more unplanned stuff,” yesterday I had the feeling that I shouldn’t have dared the universe like that. Last night, the universe responded. It’s been family stuff all week, now it’s plumbing stuff. The house’s plumbing, not mine.
So that put me in a bit of a mood while I was thinking about what to lead off with today. I was mostly coming up with the kinds of headlines that trigger liberal trolls who cast about looking for outrage. This thing about Walz is not completely tongue-in-cheek, though. Something is very off about him, and we’ve all been noticing it ever since the media tried to sell him as the Testosterone King of the Upper Midwest last year.
One of the most striking things about the 2024 revamped and unelected Democratic presidential ticket was that they managed to find a running mate who was even more inauthentic than Kamala Harris. That’s quite a feat.
Like all Dems, Walz hasn’t taken last year’s loss very well. He keeps acting out. He seems to spend more time seeking out media opportunities where he can bash President Trump than he does governing Minnesota. Robert wrote a column yesterday about Walz’s latest bit of attention-seeking, which was a speech he gave last weekend:
And Walz was just getting warmed up. “The thing that bothers a teacher more than anything,” he went on, “is to watch a bully. And when it’s a child, you talk to them and you tell them why bullying is wrong. But when it’s an adult like Donald Trump, you bully the sh*t out of him back.” Yeah, see, the Dems have just been too nice, doncha know. Everybody knows what happy, sunny people they are. They need to stop being so sweet! All those men who think they’re women need to line up and show Trump who’s boss!
Walz kept egging on the crowd to be “meaner” and “more fierce.” Boilerplate 2025 Democrat stuff. They think that being loud is the same as being edgy. Never has a group of people more likely to get their butts kicked spent so much time talking about fighting. Heck, I’m willing to get to an ATM right now to grab a handful of cash to bet on my firm belief that Tim Walz has never been in a real fight in his life. If he has, it was over quickly and didn’t end in his favor.
The thing about Walz that I find alternately amusing and pathetic is how hard he tries to sell the “I’m a bad man!” nonsense. He’s like a bad actor who never really picked up the hang of auditioning well. The Democrats’ newfound affinity for profanity at public events reminds me of DJs in the ’80s when I first started doing stand-up. Local radio stations would frequently host a comedy night and have their morning guy MC the show. When free from Federal Communications Commission rules for an evening, the DJs would act like they were getting paid by the f-bomb. They thought they were being clever and funny, but they weren’t.
Obviously, Walz keeps making the rounds because he thinks he’s got a shot at being the Dems’ nominee in 2028. The Diversity Dems probably won’t be very amenable to a straight white male who has been machoing himself all about the place. Now, if there were some locker room secrets that the old ball coach might want to share that would make his image better fit what the Democrats are looking for, something that one might be inspired to share during Pride Month…hey, the rainbow’s the limit for him.
Like I said, I’m in a mood.
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