(The following is satire.) The snow is just starting to melt. A door creaks open. Out stumbles Rex Huppke, wrapped in flannel, hair matted like a possum in a leaf blower. He clutches a pillow that smells faintly of NPR and soy candles. His eyes squint at the sun, confused and blinking.
“What… what year is it?” he mutters.
A neighbor, sipping a coffee and wearing a weathered ballcap with a faded American flag, offers him a can of truth.
“You’ve been out for a while, Rex,” the man says. “Missed quite a bit. Inflation. Afghanistan. The border collapse. DOJ scandals. A son’s laptop. A president who couldn’t remember which coast he was on.”
Rex sways. “No… that can’t be. I would’ve written about it.”
The neighbor shrugs. “You didn’t. You napped. You tweeted about hot dogs and said democracy was fine. But now Trump’s back, and suddenly, you’ve found your concern again.”
Huppke’s jaw goes slack. “I saw something on TV. Flags. Applause. A jet flyover. Fireworks. And people… smiling?”
The man nods. “It’s the Fourth of July, Rex. It scares your kind.”
Huppke drops the pillow. Stumbles back inside. Opens his laptop. Starts typing furiously, an op-ed drenched in condescension, warning readers of the terrible danger of… patriotism. (/satire)
Rex Huppke has emerged from hibernation. After four years of relative silence during one of the most aggressively partisan presidencies in modern memory, he’s returned just in time to lecture Americans on the perils of patriotism under President Donald Trump. How quaint. One can’t help but notice the impeccable timing. Trump is back in office, and the country is functioning again; suddenly, Huppke rediscovers his appetite for alarmist opinion.
You had four years, Rex. Four years of silence as Joe Biden held press conferences with fewer unscripted moments than a puppet show. For four years, the Department of Justice was used as a political battering ram, not against crime, but against dissent. For four years, flags were burned, statues torn down, and “America First” was mocked as fascism. Now, with Old Glory flying high and fireworks ready to light up the sky, you clutch your pearls because Trump dares to speak of love for country?
That’s not journalism. It’s selective outrage dressed up as a moral concern.
Trump’s Leadership vs. the Biden Shell Game
Huppke opens with disdain for what he calls Trump’s “Fourth of July campaign event,” as if American presidents haven’t always wrapped themselves in the flag during reelection years.
As America enters the patriotism-heavy week of the Fourth of July with an unpopular president behaving in myriad un-American ways, it’s worth wondering what patriotism should look like in this moment.
Is it saluting the flag and dutifully respecting the office of the presidency, looking past the actions of President Donald Trump and his administration to celebrate our imperfect nation?
That’s certainly what he would want. If nothing else, Trump in his second term has shown Americans that fealty to him is all that matters. His lackeys in Congress parrot his language and propose bills to put the King of Mar-a-Lago’s face on currency or Mount Rushmore.
But here’s the difference: when Trump salutes a Marine or touts America’s might, he means it. When Biden did it, it was filtered through focus groups and still came out limp. How long did Biden practice checking his watch?
Where was Huppke’s concern when Biden turned his Inauguration into a made-for-TV fantasy, ringed by tens of thousands of troops as if the American people were the enemy? Or when Biden’s DOJ indicted political rivals while the president declared he had “no idea” what was happening, right before an aide leaked that he was “keeping tabs” on it?
Criticizing the “Cult” While Ignoring the Cathedral
Huppke scoffs at what he describes as Trump’s cult of personality, lamenting crowds cheering “USA” like that’s something to be ashamed of. But not once in his piece does he mention Biden’s cult-like insulation from criticism. If you question the current administration, you’re smeared as an extremist. If you chant “USA,” you’re branded a threat.
That’s not democracy. That’s orthodoxy.
Projection, Thy Name Is Media
Huppke accuses Trump of eroding American institutions. Let’s talk about erosion.
In Biden’s America, we watched a president wave off responsibility as inflation soared, energy prices surged, and fentanyl deaths shattered records. The press? Silent. The very same press that accused Trump of fascism refused to cover the Hunter Biden laptop story until the damage was done. That same media now warns of Trump’s authoritarian streak, yet yawned as Biden relied on “autopen” to issue vetoes while dodging cameras like a man allergic to flashbulbs.
Where was Huppke’s concern when Merrick Garland’s DOJ locked up Peter Navarro in leg shackles over contempt charges that Eric Holder once dodged with no penalty? Miranda Devine reported in detail how Biden’s DOJ weaponized its power against Navarro and reveled in it internally.
By contrast, the very Department of Justice that set a chilling precedent with its prosecutions of Navarro and Bannon (who also served four months in a federal prison in Connecticut last year) gave itself a pass when then-Attorney General Merrick Garland similarly was held in contempt for defying a congressional subpoena to hand over embarrassing audio recordings of Biden’s interview with special counsel Robert Hur.
That’s not erosion. That’s excavation with dynamite.
Manufactured Outrage, Convenient Timing
Huppke didn’t write columns during the Afghanistan withdrawal debacle. He didn’t scold Biden for presiding over a border collapse or empowering cartels through willful neglect. He didn’t sound the alarm when Catholic churches were attacked or when pro-life activists were raided at dawn.
But Trump gives a speech with flags and tanks nearby, and suddenly, it’s the fall of Rome?
Give me a break.
Trump’s America: Not Perfect, But Proud
Trump’s rallies don’t pretend to be academic roundtables. They’re raucous, raw, and unapologetically American. That’s why the media hates them. There’s no leash on the message, no filter on the joy. It reminds people of what they loved about this country before bureaucrats and Beltway elites tried to shame them out of it.
But what of the rest of us? You know, the ones in the majority, assuming you care to believe public polling that shows Trump’s favorability well underwater and negative views of his decision to bomb Iran, his stewardship of the economy and his draconian acts against migrants.
I imagine everyone will have a different answer, and I’m not here to claim I know best. But as a critic of Trump and all he has done to mangle this country and its sense of decency, I can share my form of Fourth of July patriotism.
What does our patriotism, in this rather pivotal moment in American history, look like? How do we celebrate America – the right-now version of America – when democracy looks as fragile as a cracked sheet of thin ice over a warming pond?
When Trump calls for pride in the country, it’s not nationalism gone rogue; it’s a call for national self-respect.
Huppke would rather we turn Independence Day into a muted affair of apologies and climate lectures. But that’s not what the Founders signed up for. They pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor. Trump doesn’t do sacred honor like a statesman. He does it like a brawler from Queens. But the message lands: this country is worth defending.
Final Thoughts
Let’s stop pretending that Huppke’s column is about preserving democracy. It’s about safeguarding the narrative. A narrative that says that Trump equals tyranny, while Biden’s missteps are just policy “challenges.” That illusion worked for a while. But it’s cracking now under the weight of inflation, corruption, double standards, and American frustration.
So to Rex Huppke and the editorial boards who greenlight this warmed-over fearmongering: You had your chance to stand up for democracy during the Biden years. You stayed quiet. You watched a president duck press conferences, ignore court rulings, and treat the opposition as enemies of the state.
You said nothing.
Now that Trump is back, don’t expect us to take your moral panic seriously. We remember who stood silent when it counted.
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